Boys & Men
Why do I work with boys and men?
“I could never reach my father,” the 60 year old lamented. “Well, he hits me and Mom sometimes,” the 8 year old shared. “Why doesn’t he listen?” parents and children complain. So, why do I want to work with boys and men? I think I can make a difference in their lives and the lives of their partners too. I listen, empathize, reflect and collaborate on relational solutions. The thing is: I have been asked to niche, to specialize. I chose to specialize in men and boys, knowing full well that as I help them, I help their partners the same. On another level of truth, I am healing the wounds of my own child, by providing for your family, what my father would not provide for ours. A real Win/Win, I think.
The notion of Men over Women
For the longer part of our history men have regarded themselves, and acted as if, they were the dominant sex, the ruler of the world, the ultimate authority. In the last 50 years or so, the then-’inferior’ gender has challenged that stance and over time, the male/female relationship has evolved into a more cooperative enterprise, a collaboration, with power shared between each other rather than held over the other. This change has not been swift nor is it a straight line. It is met with resistance as many institutions still hold on to the old notion of Men over Women.
In an intimate relationship, a partnership, or a marriage, the power-over premise does not meet the needs of each other in the relationship. One invariably feels lessened, disrespected, abused. Neither party, especially men have not and are not being taught effective relational skills. Well why might they when each man can do for himself? Except we now know that all of us are wired for connection and that we have only been taught how to be.